Funny Christmas Poems for Kids
A selection of humorous Christmas poems suitable for children of all ages, which are intended to be read for pleasure. However, the poems could prove useful if a teacher asks (by which one really means forces) you to choose a poem to recite during a lesson, or worse still at a school concert or carol service.
Global Good Wishes
Paul doesn't much like the Americans - they're lardy, uncouth and have done more than any other nation to destroy the English language. This otherwise warm Christmas poem offers a strong rebuke to those tempted to use the dreaded Americanised Christmas greeting.
Greetings To The World
“Happy Christmas” is what I chose to say
But many greetings are used for the day
To one and all during the festive season
And different languages are the reason
Say "Frolyke Kerstfeest" or "Joyoo Noel"
"Felleeth Navidad" even "Glaydlig Yool"
"Kalla Kristoogenna", "Boo-on Natarlee"
"Boas Festas" or "Sheng Dan Kwhy Lee"
You could say "Frerlicker Vine-akten"
Or maybe "Roshdesrom Kristovim" then
So you can say it in very many ways
But please never say “Happy Holidays”
Time to Unwind
A humorous, almost nonsensical poem about the need to unwind at Christmas, rather than let the festivities get you all wound up.
Enjoy your Christmas day in peace
Avoid any kind of quarrel or wrangle
Chill out, relax and enjoy the day
And don’t get your tinsel in a tangle
An Old Saws Resharpened
A reworking of an old saying or 'sooth', which somehow involves the Atkins
diet. For those not familiar with the Atkins diet - and most kids thankfully
aren't - it forces you to eat everything which is unhealthy (sausages, steaks,
burgers, lard) and leaves you looking thin, but distinctly unwell.
Christmas was coming…
Christmas was coming
The goose was getting fat
So I put it on the Atkins diet
And now it's had a heart attack.
What Comes Down Must Go Up
I must confess that I don't entirely understand this poem and Timmy wasn't able to offer any help at all. Perhaps you'll be on Paul's wavelength and succeed where we failed.
Fall Of The Snowman
Here is a thought of little worth
Snowmen start their fall to earth
From Heaven above unassembled
And like a snow globe it resembled
But if a snowman were then desired
Some assembly would be required
Stamp of Approval
Mildred's visit to the local post office to buy her Christmas stamps leaves her with a terrible dilemma...
Mildred went to the post office
To buy stamps for her Christmas cards
“What denomination do you want?”
She was asked by Mr Everard
“That’s political correctness gone mad,
Has it come to this?” said she
“You’d better give me a book of Catholic
And a book of C of E”
Breaking Up for Christmas
A humorous Christmas poem about the excitement of breaking up from school and the anticipation of the Christmas festivities to come.
Last day of school,
Kids say “that’s cool”
Presents for Jesus
Everything is frosting over
Even my car made by “Rover”
But I can’t fly
But I have cream on my
Hot mince pie
But I still get a lift
When I get a gift
Fun For All The Family
It's sometimes said that adults enjoy Christmas more than children, a sentiment echoed by this warm, uplifting poem.
Kids Don’t Understand Christmas
All children think
Christmas just happens
But parents work tirelessly
To bring it about
Months in the planning
Putting things away
Things to add to a special day
Shopping and wrapping
Dressing and decking
Super market shopping
The prices heart stopping
Journeying from shop to shop
For the latest must have toy
All made worth while
To see a face lit with joy
A Christmas Tree Shape Poem
A rather curious Christmas shape poem, which takes the form of two christmas trees in pre-Christmas and post-Christmas plumage. WARNING 1: I've switched the lights off on the website so that you can better appreciate the beauty of the poem. WARNING 2: Don't try a put the fallen words back together an make sense of them. The only person who previewed the poem tried the unjumbling trick and is expected to be out of hospital soon!
The Ghost of Christmas Past
What are you hoping to get in your Christmas stocking this year? In years gone by the Christmas stocking ritual used to be very formulaic, your highest expectations being a Satsuma, or if you were really lucky, a bar of chocolate. However, if you'd be naughty all year, you'd get a lump of coal instead. In return, you have to lay out for Santa all sorts of tasty treats. Is that fair?
Fair Exchange is No Robbery
I'm not knocking
The whole stocking
Thing, but swapping
A glass of port,
A large carrot
And a mince pie
For a pencil,
A pair of socks
And an orange
Is plain shocking
A parody of the Christmas song Jingle Bells, but reaches a pleasingly comic conclusion via a cartoonish heist.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way.
I’ve got a gun and a clever disguise
To rob the bank on its busiest day
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way.
We got caught do you know why?
Because we only had a getaway sleigh
A warm and uplifting poem about the behaviour of two scatter-brained parents on Christmas morning.
The Silent Dawn
The six o’clock alarm
Breaks my slumber
I swat at the clock
Like an unwelcome bug
A single gesture brings silence
And I lie in the quiet hush
Silence! Why is it silent?
Where is the traffic noise?
The clinking milk float?
The boy racers?
The early morning bustle?
I leap from my bed
And rush to the window
I pause for a moment
Hold my breath in anticipation
Then pull back the curtain
And what a sight to behold
Snow! Snow! Snow!
As far as the eye could see
A vista of pure virgin white
The whole scene cloaked
In a deep shroud of snow
Shapes rose up here and there
From the thick carpet
Disguising what lay below
I search the scene for signs of life
And found none
The snow was fresh and unsullied
Just lying there, waiting
I turned and dragged the duvet
Off my sleeping wife
And responded to her protests
Saying “Snow! Snow! Snow!”
Half an hour later
We were fully dressed
And on the way out of the door
Thirty seconds we were back
We had forgotten to wake the children
A poem by Paul which will strike a chord with anyone who has their newspaper delivered by a paperboy/papergirl/paperperson, or more likely these days, a paperOAP.
Merry Christmas Sir
Merry Christmas sir, I’m your paperboy
I bring you daily tidings of peace and joy
I know that at 6am that no one knocks
But how else would I get my Christmas box
Xmas Comes Early
Is it a Christmas poem? Or a Halloween poem? In fact it's a bit of both and is dedicated to those grumpy old men who moan if Christmas decorations are put up before Christmas Eve.
The Christmas lights are up
The shops play Christmas tunes
The Santas are out in force
In their red and white platoons
Christmas goodies are on display
The best selections ever seen
Which sends the message out
That it’s nearly Halloween
Father Christmas's Grotto
It's an annual ritual for many kids, visiting Santa in his grotto. Yet even the most ardent Santa fan must occasionally wonder why he looks quite so comical.
You have to wait in line
To see Santa, but that’s fine
It’s worth every minute of queuing
And the anticipation of viewing
Santa Claus with his big belly
Wobbling like a bowl full of jelly
And his fruity chuckle you hear
In the Christmas grotto each year
Then you get to climb onto his lap
And have your special Christmas chat
Then all too soon its time to go
And Santa gives you a HO HO HO
Time to Unwind
The second in our trio of funny Santa poems, which offers an answer to the question 'What does Santa do as soon as he's finished delivering Christmas gifts?'
The sleigh is empty
The list is ticked
It’s back to base
Mrs. Claus is waiting
To greet me
The bags are packed
And in the sleigh
We’re off to Florida
For a holiday
The Naughty List
In this funny poem, there's a very definite reason for Santa feeling sad and it's not that Mrs Claus has jetted off to Florida without him.
Santa Claus is depressed
Its declining standards you see
The naughty list is now so long
It needs storing electronically
Where as the good list has shrunk
And now fits on a sheet of A3
A gentle Christmas poem about Father Christmas for our younger readers.
Yes There Is A Santa Claus
If you want the great gift giver
To come on his sleigh and deliver
Then remember this simple rhyme
And recall it at Christmas time
“If in Santa you do not believe
Christmas gifts you will not receive”
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