A collection of funny poems about animals for children aged 3 to 13. Animals featured range from anacondas to zebras and the poems from the cute and cuddly to the really rather scary. Don't worry, I'm probably scared of more creatures than you - spiders, mice, swans and snakes are top of my list - so there aren't any really terrifying poems.
A cute poem about the marriage between a camel and a dromedary, and what happens next....
A reworking of Little Miss Muffet in which the spider doesn't get the upper hand (if spiders have hands!).
This verse is sixteen lines, which is horrendously long. In my defence, it was written for my niece to use for a poetry recitation event at school and the teacher said it must be sixteen lines long (that's right, blame the teacher!). As for my niece, she said the poem was too difficult and asked me to write another one. So I did, called Aunts, and it's another monster.
If you're not fortunate enough to own an aunt, you should perhaps visit your local zoo where a few have been successfully raised in captivity. Then you'll understand why the poem is in the animal section and will be prepared for some of the horrors which await.
I wrote this poem during Christmas 2002 and it's a bit difficult to explain what it's about - dogs, chinese people, and the fact one rather likes to eat the other. Not a Christmas theme at all!
Children's literature is littered with unlikely cases of anthropomorphism - kittens in mittens and elephants playing euphoniums. This cute poem explains why you never find a giraffe wearing a scarf, unless there is a very helpful zoo keeper to hand.
Fear not, this is not a biblical poem. In fact, it's an account of a group of animals enjoying a night out at Noah's Nightclub.
You are bound to have heard the joke, so now it's time to read it in verse form with a new twist at the end.
Kobe beef is the most expensive meat in the world, because the cows from which it comes live the most incredibly pampered lifestyle, until....
Why is a walrus like a hat stand? I don't know why I asked the question, but it's rather that sort of rhyme.
Have you ever saved and saved your pocket money to buy something special and as soon as you've bought it, found out it wasn't so special after all?
'Take your pet zebra with you to the supermarket and something like that was bound to happen.' Yes, mothers really do know best (at least when it comes to looking after zebras).
It's part riddle and part poem. Can you recognise this famous oviparous antipodean animal from the clues in the verse?
Finally, a funny poem about sheep. But beware, these creatures aren't quite as cute or cuddly as you might imagine.