Short Rude Christmas Poems for Kids

When it comes to Christmas poems, the rude designation is used to warn off younger readers for whom the magic of Christmas must be preserved. The initial selection includes homicidal reindeer, a disgrunted visitor to Santa's grotto and other festive frolics, but nothing ostensibly rude. This doesn't mean the odd bum or wee poem won't make an appearance in the near future!

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
When into the roadway she strayed
It was an accident waiting to happen
Because Santa Claus was totally slayed

All I Want For Christmas Is You

All I want for Christmas is you
Let me make this perfectly clear
All I want for Christmas is you
To be trampled by a herd of reindeer

Crackers, Fruitcake And Nuts

Crackers, fruitcake and nuts
They mean Christmas to me
Although to be honest, they
Could also describe my family

No Frankincense, Gold Or Myrrh

Melchior, Balthazar and Caspar
Travelled long with gifts to bring
Not frankincense, gold or myrrh
Or other valuable precious things 
But non-glutenous food stuffs
As they were Wheat-Free Kings

Do You Know What Santa Brings?

Do you know what Santa brings naughty
Boys and girls so they are not excluded?
It’s not coal anymore, so don’t think that.
It batteries, labelled "toy not included"

Are You A Christmas Fairy?

Are you a Christmas Fairy?
It’s just you’re a little bit scary
And you also look a bit weird
I think it’s the long ginger beard

Santa Asked Abigail

Santa asked as a little girl climbed onto his lap,
"And what would you like for Christmas Abigail?"
The child stared at him open mouthed with horror
And then she snapped "Didn't you get my E-mail?

Everyone Kept Saying I Should Deck The Halls

Everyone kept saying I should Deck the Halls
There is even a Christmas song about it
So I acted when the opportunity came along
And you know Mr and Mrs Hall didn’t like it a bit

Christmas Has Been Cancelled!

Christmas has been cancelled!
Let me make it perfectly clear
Santa died laughing when I told him
I’d been a good boy this year!

My Sister Was Afraid Of Santa Claus

My sister was afraid of Santa Claus
The thought of him made her sick
The rest of us all loved him to bits
But she was clearly Claus-trophobic

Instead Of The Traditional Turkey

Instead of the traditional Turkey
We had Venison this year
While up at the North Pole
Santa was missing a Reindeer

Instead Of The Traditional Turkey

Instead of the traditional Turkey
We had Venison this year
While up at the North Pole
Santa was missing a Reindeer

Christmas Has Been Cancelled!

Christmas has been cancelled!
Let me make it perfectly clear
Santa died laughing when I told him
I’d been a good boy this year!

Stop Go

As you follow footsteps
Tramping through the snow
Beware of yellow circles
Where someone’s stopped to go

Crackers, Fruitcake And Nuts

Crackers, fruitcake and nuts
They mean Christmas to me
Although to be honest, they
Could also describe my family

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A poem isn't just for Christmas. Enjoy them all year round!
Copyright © Funny Poems for Kids / Patrick Winstanley 2002-2017 All Rights Reserved.
Individual poems are copyright of the stated authors and used with permission