More Funny Animal Poems for Kids

Another amazing and varied selection of funny kids poetry about animals, which includes poems about amoebae, bees and hornets (and I know none of these are technically animals, before the smarty-pants amongst you start getting shirty).

Wild Animals

A gentle introduction to the poetry of Kate Williams, in the form of a funny poem about the zebra.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

4-11

Length

9 lines

Zebra Crossing

Ever seen
a zebra crossing
a zebra crossing?

Nor me.

Ever seen
a zebra crossing
a wild Savannah track?

I have.
He was after my snack.

Almost A Haiku

The haiku is a very special form of verse which originates in Japan. A haiku must have exactly 17 syllables, made up of three lines of five syllables, seven syllables and five syllables. Oops!

Author

Style

Haiku

Age Range

5-13

Length

3 lines

Hippos and Haikus

A rhinoceros
fits neatly in a haiku,
but a hippopot…

Ever So Grumpy

Have you ever met a cantankerous gorilla? You're about to...

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-11

Length

9 lines

Grumpillas

Sulky so-and-sos, gorillas, aren't they?
If you ever pass one, hunched on crossed legs,
don't try and pass the time of day.

Smile, and he'll scowl back.
Grin, and he'll glare back.
Wave, and he'll shrug back.
Leave, and he'll hurl a banana at your back.

At least they don't go in for tomatoes
or raw eggs.

The Anteater

The aardvark is best known as the animal that comes first in the dictionary   ...and the telephone book   ...and the school register. Oh, how the aardwolf must have cursed! But there's much more to the aardvark than its alphabetical pre-eminence.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-13

Length

5 lines

Aardvark

The aardvark is well adapted
To a life of eating ants -
Sharp claws for opening ant hills
And an enormous proboscis
To devour the occup-ants

Garden Invaders

This is a dark and menacing rhyme about the revenge that the author plans for the slimy garden invaders that are eating all his plants.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

8-14

Length

16 lines

Scene of the Slime

Now yesterday I planted out
My annuals in a bed laid out
I went to take a look today
But find my annuals gone away
What evil in my garden walks?
All I see are marigold stalks
Now I see the trails of slime
I know who did this awful crime
Not creepy crawlies or even bugs
But evil little snails and slugs
You cannot poison them they say
That isn’t nice there’s another way
Grit or egg shell on the trail
Or little cups of beer or ale
But I’m not one to treat them nice
They will pay the ultimate price

Almost Late For School

I could have put this one in the school poetry section, but whilst there are hundreds of poems about school, poems about dinosaurs are almost extinct. There's only one other dinosaur poem on the site, but its so rude I'm going to leave you to find it for yourself.

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

4-8

Length

4 lines

Dinosaur School Days

There once was a pupil called Kate
who mostly turned up at school late.
Her head would arrive prompt at eight-forty-five,
but her tail'd hang back at the gate.

Pecking Order

A funny poem about a misunderstanding between a husband and wife. Yes, it is an animal poem, but you have to wait until nearly the end for the appearance of an adored pet.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-14

Length

10 lines

Dinner Question

My wife was in the kitchen
And she began to chat
“What would you like darling”
I heard from where I sat
“Chicken, fish or lamb
Or some beef without the fat”
“I think I’ll have the chicken
And I can have white wine with that”
“You’ve got beans on toast you idiot,
I was talking to the cat”

A Fishy Conceit

Another joke in the form of a poem, but this time with a rather clever jokey title as well. If you can complete the famous quotation 'Frankly my dear I don't give a....... ' from Gone with the Wind you (a) arrive at the punch line of the joke and (b) are much too old to be reading children's poetry.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-11

Length

4 lines

Frankly My Dear

What would a fish say
If it swam into a concrete wall?
Well it would probably say “dam”
If it said anything at all.

Guess Who?

Just the sort of animal poem that teachers adore. See if you can guess what sort of animal Jim Pansy is before all is revealed in the final line.

Author

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-11

Length

7 lines

Jim Pansy

Tim can see,
Jim Pansy,
Gym handy
Limbs bandy
Tim can see,
Jim Pansy,
A chimpanzee.

Feline Cunning

I had my cat Timmy firmly in mind when I wrote this poem. Although he clearly has a superior intellect, you could never train him to do anything. He is, however, happy to teach himself all sorts of useful tricks, such as catching squirrels or opening the fridge door when no-one is looking.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

4-11

Length

8 lines

You Can't Teach An Old Cat Any Tricks

I wish I could teach
My cat just one trick
Like dribbling a ball
Or fetching a stick

Are Cats too clever
(or maybe aloof)
For tricks? To vote yes,
Meow; to vote no, Woof.

More Fish in the Sea

A funny poem which revolves around a glorious pun.

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-10

Length

4 lines

Davy Jones Disco

If you go to a seafood disco
For a tango and a tussle
Don’t complain about bad luck
If you only pull a muscle.

Rural Pursuits

A flippant verse about life in the countryside and two rather anti-social pastimes that take place there.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

7-14

Length

8 lines

Huntin’ Shootin’ And Tippin’

There was a craze not long ago
A kind of country pursuit
A sport known as cow tipping
Perpetrated by callow youth

Now due to the recession
There is a new craze to report
A rural epidemic, fly tipping
It’s popular but not much of a sport.

Snap

Crocodiles are sometimes the villains of the piece, killing people indiscriminately, and sometimes the victims, being killed and turned into handbags, shoes etc. So how would a crocodile extract its revenge?

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-14

Length

lines

The Revenge Of The Crocodile

Kids

Beware the guile of the crocodile
Who'll greet you with a toothy smile
Saying 'If I open my jaws wide'
You'll find your head just fits inside

Snap

What every crocodile really loves
Is a kid skin handbag, shoes and gloves.

Amazing Amoebae

A simple little rhyme about amoebae and their amazing reproductive abilities.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-13

Length

8 lines

Divide And Rule

Amoebae divide
To multiply.
2, 4, 8 is how
They replicate.

16, 32,
64 wait,
Before you know it
128.

A Buzz

A humorous piece which contrasts the behaviour of two different bees, the bumble bee and the humble bee. Only after I finished the poem did I discover than humble bees and bumble bees are one and the same thing. Ooops, but it's still quite a fun pun poem.

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

4-11

Length

4 lines

Bee and Bee

The bumblebee buzzes
From flower to flower

As does the humblebee,
But with head bowed lower.

More Of A Buzz

From bees to hornets, and a poem by Max which is brilliant in its simplicity. It's just the sort of poem that appeals to boys who don't think they like poetry, because its short and silly, yet at the same time dark and slightly dangerous. It will also appeal to teachers because it's a great example of an onomatopoeia poem, but we'll leave the literary dissection until later.

Author

Style

Onomatopoeia Poem

Age Range

5-14

Length

6 lines

The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets' Nest

Thunk!
Buzzz!
Buzzz! Buzzz! Buzzz!
Buzzz! Buzzz! Buzzz! Buzzz!
Ow! Yow! Wow!
Owwwww!!!!

Legs 111

A rather silly verse about the centipede, an insect which is best known for an abundance of limbs.

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-11

Length

6 lines

The Centipede

The Centipede
It is believed
Has fifty pairs of legs

I have to say
I only pray
They don't have smelly feet

Buyer Beware

An entrepreneurial honey bee makes some money by selling dodgy produce to unsuspecting customers.

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

8-12

Length

6 lines

The Sting

I was really badly stung
By a bumble bee
Who charged me 40 quid
For a pot of honey
And a jar of marmalade
That he'd also made.

Peculiar Pets

A humorous poem about pet-owners choice of pet, which range from the everyday to the exotic.

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-11

Length

4 lines

Reigning Cats And Dogs

Some people like cats,
Others dogs,
But very few people,
Like warthogs

12

Animals a little tame? Why not try some rude poems?
Follow us on TwitterLike us on FacebookTimmy on Google +Visit our blog
Funny Poems and Nonsense Verse for Kids
Copyright © Funny Poems for Kids / Patrick Winstanley 2002-2013 All Rights Reserved.
Individual poems are copyright the stated authors and used with permission