Amusing Musings - Humorous Poems for Older Kids

What's the difference between a funny poem and a humorous poem? This isn't a joke, but an attempt to explain why there is separate section for humorous poems. Funny poems tend to be very obviously, sometimes predictably, funny and often are just funny jokes in verse form. The idea is that you'll laugh spontaneously and uproariously when you read a funny poem - don't worry, I know it doesn't always happen. Humorous poems are much lighter and fluffier and less obviously funny than funny poems. That's not to say some humorous poems aren't really funny, only that you might have to think a bit longer and harder before you realise what's funny about them. Humorous poems are often much cleverer than funny poems, so they're worth persevering with. They're also much more difficult to write, which is why nearly all of the humorous poems are written by Paul, rather than me.

One of a Kind

A short poem which exemplifies my introduction to humorous poetry. If it makes you laugh out loud, you're quite likely deranged. If you smile inwardly while cogitating the poem's inalienable truth and apparent self-contradiction, you're probably destined to be the great philosopher de notre jour. However, most normal people will think that the poem is just quite clever and really quite funny.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

7-14

Length

6 lines

Unique

Always remember that you're unique
Unequalled, uncommon, c’est magnifique
One of a kind, quite special and rare
Singular, original, not one of a pair
Special, the exceptional you embody
You're really unique, just like everybody

Wheel of Fortune

A gently humorous poem about the famous Ferris wheel built in London to mark the start of the third millennium. Paul's poem The London Eye has proved quite a hit with the educational establishment and been published more times than I've had hot cross buns, but don't let that put you off.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

5-13

Length

20 lines

The London Eye

The London Eye
Is a giant wheel
All white and bright
And made of steel
It’s slowly turning
Round and round
Offering views of London
Above the ground
Famous landmarks and
Sights dramatic
The nation’s history
Panoramic
Old visitors express
Sentiment
In children’s faces
Wonderment
But all agree
It’s worth the fee
To ride the wheel
The sights to see.

A Modern Parable

A contemporary version of The Parable of the Good Samaritan rendered in verse form and with an ending which is rather unexpected.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

10-14

Length

18 lines

The Road to Damascus

A man was walking one night
Down a lane without a light
Thinking that he heard a sound
The man then turned around
Someone jumped him suddenly
And assaulted him violently
Badly beaten and then robbed
He lay in the road and sobbed
Injured for many hours he lay
Many people had passed his way
Only one stopped, not to assist
To take his watch off his wrist
Hours later came a Samaritan
A social worker name of Stan
He was greatly shocked to see
Deeds committed by humanity
“Whoever hit you on the head
Really needs some help,” he said.

Outer Space

A short humorous poem which speculates about the relationship between aliens and crop circles - strange geometric patterns of flattened crops which overnight appeared, as if by magic, in cornfields.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

10-14

Length

6 lines

Across the Void

From a highly sophisticated civilization
Far in advance of our own
They crossed the great void of space
To make patterns in the fields we’ve sown
If that is their idea of fun
They must be the dullest aliens ever known.

The Red Planet

A second poem about outer space, Mars Walk anticipates what might happen when a human finally lands on the planet Mars.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

7-11

Length

8 lines

Mars Walk

After many years of trying
And years of deep space flying
After journeying across the stars
We finally land a man on Mars

He begins his walk at sunrise
And then he finds to his surprise
After exploring near and far
An Irish pub and a burger bar.

Guy Fawkes

As you might have guessed from its name, the poem is about Guy Fawkes, the chap who tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament years and years ago. The English still celebrate Guy Fawkes' act of treason with Bonfire Night on November 5th each year.

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

8-14

Length

4 lines

What a Guy

November the 5th, bonfire night
The gunpowder plot of treason
Will, from this day forward,
Be know as five-eleven.

Buddhist Philosophy

A humorous poem which warrants a second reading it you don't get the joke the first time round.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

9-14

Length

8 lines

What Do You Want Bud?

I saw a Buddhist monk today
At a hot dog stand
The cook stood at the griddle
Doing his thing
“What can I make you” was his
Gruff demand
The monk replied, “Make me one
With everything”.

The Emperor's New Clothes

Perhaps a poem for older children, in that it poses quite a complex question, 'Is modern art really art?' Many a child is adept at making an unmade bed, but it doesn't make them the next Tracey Emin. There is no right or wrong answer, but there is scope for quite an interesting debate.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

11-14

Length

8 lines

Is this Art?

Martin Creed or Damien Hirst
Collins, Gormley which one's worst
A pickled sheep in formaldehyde
A light goes on and off inside
The truth about salt and paper crumpled
Painting by numbers and things untitled
A pile of bricks, an unmade bed
Is this art or is art dead?

Ghostly Goings On

Paul's poem The Exorcist depends on some rather complex wordplay, so it's worth persevering if it doesn't click into place at the first reading.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

10-14

Length

16 lines

The Exorcist

There is a ghost in my house
A poltergeist in nature
And I am determined to see
Its imminent departure

I have secured the services
Of an expert of eminence
An exorcist of renown
To un-haunt my residence

He is not a cheap solution
To my poltergeist problem
But the spirit has to go
Before I end up in an asylum

But the price must be met
This was sternly stressed
For if I default on the fee
The house will be repossessed

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Try Peculiar Poetry for Paul's funny teenage poetry
Funny Poems and Nonsense Verse for Kids
Copyright © Funny Poems for Kids / Patrick Winstanley 2002-2015 All Rights Reserved.
Individual poems are copyright of the stated authors and used with permission