More Humorous Poems for Kids

I'll confess that this second collection of Paul's humorous poetry is slightly less cerebral than the first, but you'll still need a working knowledge of Buddhist philosophy, nuclear physics and 19th century Scottish poets to fully appreciate the poems. But don't let me put you off, because it's a lot funnier and not quite as highbrow as it sounds.

Two Black Eyes

'Sometimes it's best not to interfere' would seem to be the moral of this funny poem.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

7-14

Length

4 lines

Strike Two

What would you say to someone?
With two shinning black eyes
Well I wouldn’t say anything
They’ve clearly been told twice

Paper Folding

More funny puns underpin Paul's poem. I was tempted to include Origami Club with the sports poems, but origami is even less athletic than cake icing.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

7-14

Length

8 lines

Origami Club

When I was at Uni
I joined an origami club
It was only small
And we met at the local pub
But it didn’t last long
If truth be told
The membership dwindled
And it had to fold

Poetic Afflictions

A funny poem which is tangentially about Rabbie Burns and William Topaz McGonagall, two Scottish poets from the nineteenth century. One is famed as the worst poet ever to put pen to paper, while you've probably never heard of the William Topaz McGonagall. No seriously, Burns is Scotland's most famous and respected poet, but if you enjoy his poetry you're unlikely to feel comfortable hanging out here.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

8-14

Length

12 lines

Literary Doctorate

“Oh doctor, doctor
You must help me
I have been afflicted
Most horribly
I keep quoting
William Topaz McGonagall”
The doc replied
“We can’t help you at all”
“Oh doctor why
Can’t you treat me for it”?
He replied
“Because this is the Burns Unit”

Opportunity Knocks

A good poem to read aloud or recite, as the humour lies in a fairly outrageous play on words.

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

10-14

Length

4 lines

Good Job Son

My son got a job today
At a bowling establishment
“Ten pin” I asked him
“Oh no” he said “it’s permanent”

Hadron Collider

I resisted putting Physics Question with the other physics poems in the school poetry section as its about adult physics. Adult physics isn't rude physics, but the type of physics people do in huge laboratories with equipment costing billions of pounds.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

10-14

Length

6 lines

Physics Questions

Physicists pose important questions
Beneath the Swiss mountain slopes
With their large Hadron collider
And when for the answers they grope
Is the tool that measures their success
Going to be called a collider scope?

The Inevitable

In essence, Sod's Law states that 'anything that can go wrong, will'. It's not a scientific or mathematical law which can be proved, but it seems to hold true in many people's lives.

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

8-14

Length

4 lines

Sod's Law

Sods law has been proven
Without any doubt
For as the law was being written
The pen ran out

Anything's Possible

Try, try again requires a degree of perseverance that is entirely lacking from If At First You Don’t Succeed. Paul’s poem offers a solution which is effortless in its simplicity.

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

10-14

Length

4 lines

If At First You Don’t Succeed

If at first you don’t succeed
Don’t let it cause you distress
And if you still fail to succeed
You must redefine success

Recycled Rubbish

A semi-serious poem about environmental issues and the tendency for some high profile 'green campaigns' to be counter-productive.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

10-14

Length

6 lines

Keen To Be Green

Local authorities love recycling
It’s a green policy and its one that wins
They want to reduce the carbon footprint
Of the electorate, for their sins
But if they were truly serious
They’d stop making so many recycling bins

Tooth Extraction

A poem about a dentist which might be cleverer than the reader. If you're getting frustrated trying to see the poem's funny side, book yourself on a Buddhist retreat, with chanting, yoga and transcendental meditation, and then re-read the poem when you're feeling a little karma.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poetry

Age Range

8-14

Length

6 lines

The Buddhist At The Dentist

The Buddhist monk
Following dental examination
Refused an injection
For his required dental extrication
Instead he chose to
Transcend dental medication

12

Try Peculiar Poetry for Paul's funny teenage poems
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Funny Poems and Nonsense Verse for Kids
Copyright © Funny Poems for Kids / Patrick Winstanley 2002-2015 All Rights Reserved.
Individual poems are copyright the stated authors and used with permission