Funny Valentines Poems for Kids
Valentines day is the one day of the year when adults are guaranteed to get all mushy and sentimental. The result is a pseudo-romantic interlude of candlelit meals, bunches of red roses, chocolates and spending a whole day going round saying 'I love you' like a demented parakeet.
The problems facing kids on valentine's day are much more complicated. It's just conceivable that you really like someone in you class. If so, it's as good a day as any to make your move. As you face possible ignominy or shame, you might as well go the whole hog and pledge you troth in verse - then, if it all goes horribly wrong, you can laugh it off as an elaborate joke. Much more dangerous is the possibility that the bespectacled and spotty kid in your class who you can't abide has a crush on YOU. It's best to plan ahead so that you can ward off their unwanted advances.
The selection of funny valentine poems for kids that follows includes poems for every possible valentine's day eventuality:
- A romantic valentines poem to win the heart of a loved one
- An unusual valentine shape poem about a special kind of love
- A light, but sad, valentine poem for those who have loved and lost
- Two repellant valentines poems to ward off unwelcome advances
- A funny valentines poem for kids who don't do the love thing
To start, a romantic valentines poem to win someone's heart. I can't guarantee it will have the desired effect, as some people being wooed object to being described as a cripple, or indeed a rabbit.
Smitten
You are the bow
I am the arrow
You are the wheel
I am the barrow
You are the cripple
I am the crutch
You are the rabbit
I am the hutch
You are the hand
I am the glove
Yes, I'm a mitten
Smitten by love
The next valentines poem is unusual for two reasons. Firstly, its a valentines shape poem, with the words arranged in the shape of a heart. True shape poems are tricky to write and trickier still to construct - like trying to ride a bicycle whilst playing a xylophone - yet this poem just fell into place as if it was always meant to be. Secondly, its unusual in that the poem is written from the viewpoint of a 8 or 9 year old boy. All the repetitions of I love you more than.. make it sound like a romantic love poem, but this is really a poem about a very special sort of love. The poem's title might give you a clue as to who the writer really loves.
Paul's poem Broken offers consolation to those who have been unlucky in love. The poem is humorous in style, but serious in tone.
BROKEN
Broken arrow
Broken lance
Broken treaty
Wasted chance
Broken thought
Broken thread
Broken silence
Too much said
Broken vow
Broken chain
Broken promise
Alone again
Broken wing
Broken spirit
Broken heart
We wasted it
Broken wing
Broken mirror
Broken glass
I so miss her
Roses are Red poems have been used since time immemorial as a token of romantic love. These alternative version by Patrick are intended have the opposite effect are ideal for driving away unwanted suitors brandishing a bunches of flowers...
Roses Are Red
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm allergic
Atchoo, Atchoo
...or perhaps hiding sheepishly behing a bunch of flowers.
Twisted Roses
Novels are read
Trumpets are blew
You're so ugly
I might just spew
This next poem by Paul appears at first glance to be just another Roses are Red poem, but there's a subtle twist and it's all in the punctuation.
Rose's Are Red
Rose’s are red
Violet’s are blue
Daisy’s are white
Lily’s are too
Poppy’s are red
Iris’s are blue
Pansy’s are varied
Petunia’s are too
Ruby’s are red
Sapphire’s are blue
Pearl’s are white
Jasmine’s are too
Marigold’s are orange
Hyacinth’s are blue
Holly’s are scratchy
Heather’s are too
May’s are white
Fern’s are green
Ivy’s are variegated
And very often seen
Busy Lizzie’s
Colours are many
And Honeysuckle
Doesn’t wear any
If you haven't quite grasped the poem's meaning, this is one occasion when you could ask your English teacher. I'm sure they will be delighted to explain the use of the apostrophe and possibly also that it's a poem about knickers.
