Funny Family Poems

The section is called funny family poems because the poems are family-friendly - they won't turn around and bite you - and they're about families, family members and life at home. In fact, the poems are about people in general - not famous people, just ordinary people like you or me, who lead normal lives and have friends and enemies, arguments, pet zebras and who occasionally do really stupid things.

The Dentist

A poem about a visit to the dentist in which the dentist hardly has time to say 'this won't hurt at all'.

Mr Toad

My brother-in-law keeps on buying faster and faster cars and drives like a maniac, rather like Mister Toad in The Wind in the Willows. I sometimes wish he would be sent to jail and have to dress as a washerwoman to escape. Oh dreams, dreams, envy, envy.

Ex Libris

A poem which explains why 'never a lender nor a borrower be' is a good maxim for life, or at least for library books.

Mixed Drinks

If people (usually parents) ask you to do jobs around the house, you'll find that if you always do them wrong then eventually they'll stop asking (although it might take a few years to work).

Of Sound Mind

It is possible that the title is cleverer that the poem, or indeed that the poem is cleverer than the reader. If it sends you scurrying for the dictionary, don't forget to put it back when you've finished with it. If you don't own a dictionary, perhaps it's time to read the next poem.

The Sick Note

When adults are off work they have to get a 'sick note' to convince their boss they really were ill - rather like the notes kids have to take to school which are often equally unconvincing.

Poste Haste

I always give my postman a cheery wave as he delivers my letters, then spend half an hour chasing him down the street as most have been delivered to the wrong address. I'm not saying that a gastropod would make a better postman, but I'd be willing to give it a try.