Short Funny Halloween Poems for Kids

If you're not sure whether you're brave enough to tackle Halloween poems, Paul's very short funny poems are an ideal place to get your eye in. Guaranteed to be both easy to understand and uproariously funny, the poems cover a wide range of Halloween related subjects including goblins, witches, vampires and Jack-O-Lanterns in an unusual, but utterly non-scary way.

Fright-Free Funny Poems

To start, a poem about Halloween lanterns carved out of Pumpkins. Now I grant you that Jack-O-Lanterns may look slightly sinister, but they're nothing like as scary as having to eat pumpkin pie made out of your lantern's excavated innards.

It Was So Big And Round

It was so big and round
Like a big orange bumpkin
It was a fat Jack-O-Lantern
Carved out of a plumpkin

Paul writes lots of poems with the opening Are you wearing? Most are rude and quite unsuitable for children, but Goblin Ears has a childish innocence and sense of fun.

Are You Wearing Goblin Ears? new poem

Are you wearing Goblin Ears?
As someone’s Halloween treat
I would just ask you one thing
Do you also have hairy feet?

A familiar Halloween theme of Trick or Treat sees young kids extracting sweets with menaces.

They May Look Cute And Sweet new poem

They may look cute and sweet
They may look smart and dandy
But they’re vicious little monsters
Who’ll rob you of all your candy

A curate's egg of a poem which will leave you saying wow or oooh, depending on your love of devillish wordplay.

I Think My Chickens Are Possessed new poem

I think my chickens are possessed
My wife is very much distressed
Their feathers are all dishevelled
And the eggs they lay are devilled

Paul serves up a poem doubling as a logic-bomb. See if you can work out what's going on.

I Don’t Believe In Spooks And Demons new poem

I don’t believe in spooks and demons
I think that should be understood
But there are always more trick-or-treaters
Than there are kids in the neighborhood

The poem's humour relies on a pun of some antiquity, but don't let that put you off.

At The Ghostly House

At the ghostly house
There is a familiar theme
Because for desert
They always have ice scream

Witches are by tradition transported by broomstick and this luxury has, since the appearance of Harry Potter, been extended to wizards. But where does a self-respecting witch park her broomstick.

Are You Wearing A Witch’s Hat?

Are you wearing a witch’s hat?
Or is it just a kind of mirage
And did you just call that
Broom cupboard your garage

Sage advice with a Halloween twist. If you don't know what sage is, it's a culinary herb. And if you don't know what advice is, you should listen to your parents more earnestly.

All Good Ghostly Kids

All good ghostly kids
Are brought up good and true
And they will never spook
Until they’re spooken to

I must confess that I've never met a goblin, but that doesn't mean they don't exist or that they don't suffer from the same sort of injuries and ailments as humans. In fact, there's probably, at this very moment, a goblin somewhere writing a poem about a withered, limping human.

Walking Abroad I Spied

Walking abroad I spied
A withered limping Goblin
He didn't’t scare me at all
As he was only a hoblin’ goblin

What sort of games do you like? Hopscotch, sardines, murder in the dark? The children in Paul's poem have a very special game that they play at Halloween.

My Kids Love Halloween

My kids love Halloween
And not just trick or treat
We play lots of games
Especially Hide and Shriek.

A strange collision between Halloween and Christmas in which a vampire bites of more than he can chew when he attacks a snowman.

When A Vampire Bit

When a Vampire bit
A Snowman one night
They both ended up
With a case of frostbite

A rather silly poem which relies on word play for its comic effect.

We Went To A Fancy Dress Party

We went to a fancy dress party
I was a wizard and she was a witch
But I knew it was time to leave
When she tapped her witch watch

A brilliant young witch attends Harry Potter's alma mater (which is just a posh way of saying old school using latin). I'm sure you'll be able to guess the rest.

My Little Niece Goes To Hogwarts

My little niece goes to Hogwarts
She’s a witch and she’s excelling
But of all the subjects she takes
Her favourite one is spelling

I think Paul might have been stretching it a bit to shoehorn mummies in with Halloween, but its a jolly funny poem and I couldn't find a suitable home for it anywhere else.

The Disappearance Of A Mummy

The disappearance of a mummy
Was investigated by Inspector Grace
And with his years of experience
He soon wrapped up the case

A clever little poem in which Paul considers what witches of today would really be like. After all, we live in a world in which broomsticks aren't easy to lay your warty little hands on.

The Modern Day Witch

The modern day witch
Performs her manoeuvre
Flying across the sky
On a household hoover

Can you detect an anti trick or treat theme developing? It might also give you with a clue that rolling up at Paul's door on Halloween won't provide rich pickings.

They May Look Cute And Sweet

They may look cute and sweet
They may look smart and dandy
But they’re vicious little monsters
Who’ll rob you of all your candy

Paul writes lots of poems which begin Are you wearing… but sadly most of them are unsuitable for children. This halloween version though is funny and slightly scary, but not at all rude, unless I'm missing something.

Are You Wearing A Halloween Tie? y

Are you wearing a Halloween tie?
If that’s what it’s supposed to be
Well what is it if it’s not a tie?
Oh god it’s alive and wriggly

Our final poem is longer than a short poem should strictly be, but it amusingly contrasts antisocial Halloween behaviour with the relative safety of social media.

Twitter Halloween Night

The invitation went out
To the twitter followers
About Halloween night
And the trick or treaters

It’s much safer than being
Out on the streets
And it’s better for you
To do twick or tweets

Feeling brave? Try some scary Halloween poems
Copyright © Funny Poems for Kids / Patrick Winstanley 2002-2017 All Rights Reserved.
Individual poems are copyright of the stated authors and used with permission