Features

Teacher came into our classroom today
She told us to get out our books
And write down what features we'd swap if we could
To try and improve our own looks

I've got ears like jaffa cakes, Oliver said
At least that's what Mum says to me
If Gareth Bale swapped his footballer's ears
What a handsome young man I would be

Lydia loves some nice haddock and chips
But she gets it all over her face
She says if she had Taylor Swift's pretty lips
She'd keep it all in the right place

Justin Bieber said Ethan, who sings on T.V.
Has got a magnificent mop
I really do dislike my tight ginger curls
I wish he would do me a swap

Brown eyes says Lucas, how dreamy is that
Instead of a zombie-like blue?
If I had Zayn Maliks, instead of my own
Dear Emma, I'd hypnotize you

Declan Donnelly's grin is the greatest
Not crooked like mine is, said Fee
You'd think as he's got all he wants from the world
He'd hand his great smile on to me

Each one in the class thought of something
That they felt would enhance their own face
At the end of the lesson, just one boy
Hadn't found any bits to replace

The teacher asked Danny politely
You think you're alright I suppose?
Yes Miss, I'd happily choose both my hair and my eyes
And I'd just as soon pick my own nose.

About the Poem

A first guest poem by Angela, who is perhaps a future guest poet. If the poem has a moral, it is that teachers are on safer ground if they stick to asking pupils real, rather than hypothetical, questions.

Category

Down with School

Style

Funny rhyming poem

Length

32 lines

Key Stage

KS2, KS3

Author

Angela Reddaway

Copyright © Angela Reddaway. All Rights Reserved

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