More Funny Poems About School

If you're a glutton for punishment, both physically and metaphorically, then there's plenty more for you to enjoy in this further selection of funny poems about school.

Don't Mock The Afflicted

You've probably been taught by the odd teacher (I was taught by some very odd teachers) who simply wasn't up to the job. I hope, for your sake, that you've never experienced a teacher as disastrous as the infamous Miss Pelling.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

7-14

Key Stage

KS2, KS3

Length

8 lines

Something Amiss

Miss Pelling teaches English
I'm not sure that she should
Her writing is atrocious
Her reading's not much good

Miss Pelling taught us English
She left some time ago
I think she was dyslexic
I am, sew I shood no!

Six of the Best

A poem about a boy's feelings of apprehension as he waits outside the headmaster's study. Will he be caned? Well, I have described it as a Knock Knock, No Joke!

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

7-14

Key Stage

KS2, KS3

Length

12 lines

Outside the Headmaster's Study 1 (A Knock Knock, No Joke)

Waiting
Waiting

I've a frog in my throat
Butterflies in my belly
My palms are all sweaty
My legs feel like jelly

Knock Knock
Come in

I was right to be scared
Because it seems I'm to blame
So it's six of the best
And my bottom's aflame

A Let Off

A companion poem to Outside the Headmaster's Study 1 which is both much funnier and less cruel, and has an interesting twist in the tail.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-14

Key Stage

KS1, KS2, KS3

Length

12 lines

Outside the Headmaster's Study 2 (A Knock Knock Joke)

Waiting
Waiting

I've a frog in my throat
My heart is aflutter
My palms are all clammy
My legs feel like butter

Knock Knock
Come in

I wasn't really scared
Me, I'm never in trouble
My Dad's the headmaster
He just wants a cuddle

Ooops

A humorous poem about a pupil's nightmare moment at class.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-11

Key Stage

KS1, KS2, KS3

Length

6 lines

Bad School Day

When I was at school
When I was just a lad
What was embarrassing
And made me very sad
Was the day I called
The history teacher Dad

Lazy Days

If you go to day school, this poem about the daily torture of dragging yourself out of bed in the morning will strike a chord.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-11

Key Stage

KS1, KS2

Length

8 lines

Better Late Than…

I check my watch
It's ten to eight
I must get up
Or I'll be late

I stretch, I yawn
I scratch my head
Perhaps I'll just
Go back to bed

A Term of Imprisonment?

An unsettling poem about that strange institution, the English boarding school. Boarding schools have distinctly different effects on mothers, who pine for their missing offspring, and boys, who after a few days of term may forget they ever had parents.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

7-14

Key Stage

KS2, KS3

Length

8 lines

The Empty Nest

The empty bed
The teddy bear
Do not linger
I am not here

Please do not cry
I will return
In just eight weeks
It'll be half term

Lasting Memories

Paul's poem about a teacher trying to flog copies of the school photograph reaches a funny, if slightly macabre, conclusion.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

8-14

Key Stage

KS2, KS3

Length

12 lines

Picture This

The school had been photographed
All of the children and all the staff
The proofs had come back promptly
And the teacher’s task was simply
Persuading them to buy a copy then
"Just think how nice it will be when
You will be able to look at it one day
When you are all grown up and say,
'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or
‘that’s Michael, he's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back then said
'And there's the teacher, she's dead'."

Someone To Watch Over You

A poem about a lunch in the cafeteria of a Catholic school. It is not an anti-catholic poem, but the humour of the piece depends on appreciation of the twin Catholic traits of piety and self-belief. If you're offended, you're probably a Catholic. If you're seeking revenge, Paul wrote it!

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-14

Key Stage

KS1, KS2, KS3

Length

12 lines

Lunch Time in the Cafeteria

At a Catholic school at lunch time one day
As the children queued up in an orderly way
The first thing that confronted the pupils
On the end of the counter was a large pile of apples.
By the apples a nun had written a note saying
"Take only ONE because God is watching."
As they made their way along the counter
The canteen rang out with childish laughter
Chocolate chip cookies stood in a large pile
With a label which made them all smile.
A child had written a note for the pupils,
"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Sleeping Beauty

If you think missing school might be fun, pity poor Sleeping Beauty who awakes to a horrible shock having missed a whole year of school work.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-8

Key Stage

KS1, KS2

Length

5 lines

A Year Off School

While Sleeping Beauty lay asleep
her school work lay in wait –
a hefty heap, six metres deep,
with a note on saying
‘LATE!’

Atomic Energy

The first of two funny poems that will appeal to the budding physicists amongst you. Is there anyone out there?

Author

Style

Short Rhyming Poem

Age Range

8-14

Key Stage

KS2, KS3

Length

4 lines

Lost Walk

Two hydrogen atoms were walking along
One said, 'I think I've lost an electron'.
'Are you sure?' was the other's interrogative
The first said, 'Oh Yes, I'm positive... '

Nuclear Fun

There can't be too many poems that begin 'A neutron walks into a bar'. I did warn you.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

8-14

Key Stage

KS2, KS3

Length

7 lines

Bar None

A neutron walks into a bar
"I'd like a beer" he asked
The barman serves up a beer
Promptly as he was tasked
"How much will that be?"
Asks the neutron
"For you? No charge."

Missing Homework

A poem about homework, which I must confess was inspired by, but in no way resembles, an amusing poem entitled My Dog Ate My Homework by an American Childrens poet called Kenn Nesbitt.

Author

Style

Rhyming Poem

Age Range

5-14

Key Stage

KS1, KS2, KS3

Length

12 lines

You Can't Have Your Cake

I get up bright and early
Raring to go to school,
I peer into the larder
Where I'd left 'it' to cool.

But I find an empty plate,
Where last night 'it' had stood
And a note, in jam, from Dad,
"Yum, that was mighty good."

I trudged to school dejected,
I couldn't hide the fact,
Dad ate my Food Tech homework,
But who would swallow that?

12Teachers

A bit old for school poems? Give my funny teenage poems a go
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Funny Poems and Nonsense Verse for Kids
Copyright © Funny Poems for Kids / Patrick Winstanley 2002-2013 All Rights Reserved.
Individual poems are copyright the stated authors and used with permission