Very Rude Poems for Older Kids

You should only have reached these very rude poems if you've read your way through the quite rude poems or are very clever at using a search engine. In either case, you're certainly old enough, or wise enough, to read the poems and perhaps write some equally rude poems yourself.

Spotty Horror

Harry Potter and the Angst of Adolescence might be a more appropriate title for this poem, which deals with some of the problems Harry encounters during his teen years.

Broken Promise

A poem about the painful dilemma faced by a choirmaster when the voice of one of his star choristers begins to break.

Bear Necessities

If you go down to the woods today, you'll find this poem's advice for dealing with large and potentially dangerous bears only mildly reassuring.

Billy The Kid

A funny poem about a boxer who takes a pasting in the ring.

Class Outing

A rude poem about school in which we again encounter the ill fated Miss Tibbs as she takes her charges on an outing to the zoo.

Berry Berry

An unlikely consultation in the doctor's surgery is related in this decidedly fruity poem.

Shot In The Back-Side

An unfortunate incident on the football field results in an amusing newspaper headline.

Rapped

A man visiting a psychiatrist is clearly very disturbed.

That Rings a Bell

A poem about a vicar who catches one of the bell ringers in a compromising position in the belfry.

How to Sex a Dinosaur

I thought long and hard about whether to include this poem among the rude poems for children. It is a rude rude poem, but at the same time it contains no rude words. The word sex in the title doesn't count, as it is being used in the biological sense of 'How do you tell a boy dinosaur from a girl dinosaur?' The humour relies on a missed rhyme. If you 'get it', that's fine and I haven't corrupted you by teaching you anything that you didn't already know. If you don't 'get it', please don't make things worse by asking your Mum, Dad or teacher (definitely not your teacher) why it's funny. Try reading it again in six months or a year's time and you might suddenly find it falls into place.

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