We've sneaked in a selection of Paul's nursery rhyme parodies which are all rather rude. So we've called the collection Rude Nursey Rhymes and would humbly suggest that if you're too young to know what a parody is you're probably also too young to read the poems. If that sounds too much like a riddle (quite a few adults don't know what a parody is), we'd recommend you read the first rude kids poems first, then these rude nursery rhymes and finally the very rude kids poems. If at any point along the way you feel sick, stop reading immediately and seek medical attention.
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls but didn’t know why.
When the boys came out to play
He had more fun because he was gay
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are?
Are you a star twinkling bright?
Or just another bloody satellite
Went to Gloucester
On a railway train
But he got in a muddle
And got off at Bristol
And said “Oh shit not again”
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her and doggie some bread
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
So she ate the doggie instead.
Twinkle, twinkle little star
Are the services very far?
Oh I really hope they are
Or I will Tinkle, Tinkle in the car
Mary was a little flirt
Men followed her like sheep
But though she liked the attention
She fancied little bo peep
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as night
But it’s not PC to call it black
So she calls it dirty white
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick
But someone lit the candlestick
And poor old Jack burnt his wick
Little Tommy Tucker sings for his suppers,
Because he is so down on his uppers
But he doesn’t get much out of it
Because his singing is really shit
Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
This internet bomb making site
Really is a load of shite
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